Elixir Of Insanity
by EffingClouds
Summary: What if Harry had swallowed Elixir of Insanity? Includes expanding backsides and more weirdness. Based on a true story I dreamt.


Harry uncorked the bottle of gold liquid and tipped the contents into his mouth. He, Ron and Hermione waited in anticipation for something to happen. Harry's stomach began to grumble and groan it shook and then……. Harry let out an enormous belch that shook the Gryffindor Common Room. The current occupants turned to look at him.

"Oh….. Err…. Um…. Excuse me," he said. Soon enough Harry felt alive and awake. "I think I'll go and visit Hagrid," a note of defiance was in his voice. Ron and Hermione's protests did not change Harry's mind. He marched up to his dormitory, Ron following close behind asking him questions. Harry reached into his trunk and found his invisibility cloak.

"Have you taken Elixir of Insanity? That monster told its mates to eat us and you're going to its funeral?" Ron looked disbelieving, "Anyway you said you were going to use that stuff to get that memory from Slughorn,"

"Like I said Ron, I'm feeling lucky,"

"You didn't say you felt lucky Harry,"

"I just did Ron. This potion really works!" He walked briskly down the stairs and stopped in the middle of the common room.

Miraculously, in the last thirty seconds, everyone had disappeared. Even Ron and Hermione weren't there. Harry put the invisibility cloak on and continued on through the portrait hole, across the corridor, across another corridor, down two flights of stairs and a few other obstacles which weren't as important as the first few. He reached the Entrance Hall and the doors had been left unlocked.

He watched as Filch led Madam Pince across the floor and into the dungeons. He shuddered and moved through the doors. He crept further outside and to his surprise, and disappointment, he found Professor Slughorn speaking to Professor Sprout. He was leaving Greenhouse Six and Professor Sprout seemed rather upset,

"I don't like being taken for a fool Pomona. You should know that a distinguished teacher, such as myself, would know what would happen if you mixed knotgrass with Venomous Tentacula venom. And that wasn't even knotgrass! Good day!" Professor Sprout hopelessly tried to speak but closed the doors muttering something that sounded like insults.

Professor Slughorn bent down to fix his slime covered shoe. This made his enormous backside look even more enormous than before. Harry had a sudden feeling come over him. He couldn't resist. He crept up silently, almost passing out from not breathing, and moved his leg back. He swung it forward and it collided with Professor Slughorn's enormous, enormous backside. He fell forward flat onto his face and this somehow also managed to make his backside even bigger. Harry ran backwards to get away and screamed in horror. Slughorn stood up however large his backside managed to grow.

"Who's there? I demand you show yourself! Now or I'll suffocate you!" Harry felt a sudden feeling come over him again. He pulled off the cloak with a flourish thus exposing himself.

"It's me Professor!" He grinned in what he thought was a dazzling way but only ended up dislocating his jaw

"Potter! What are you doing out of bed at this hour? I know that it's only three in the afternoon but that's beside the point!"

"Well Professor it was a little something like this…." He trailed off took a deep breath and a backing orchestra could be heard with some beginning notes.

"SHUT UP! We're trying to sleep!" Harry could see George Weasley looking out the window.

"Sorry!" he shouted back, "Now where were we?"

"Potter! Detention! No two detentions! No, two detentions and twenty points from Slytherin! No I mean Slytherin and Gryffindor!"

"Sir?"

"I don't want to hear it! That's FINAL!" Just then Professor Slughorn's backside started to expand once again. It was expanding fast and Harry was worried. He started backing away.

Professor Slughorn's backside was getting bigger by the second. It was on the rampage! Professor Slughorn tried to run away from it but it being his backside…it followed him. Harry decided it was time to call for back-up. Just then one of the centaur's arrows flew out of the Forbidden Forest and killed Professor Slughorn.

Harry never got the memory and he ended up being killed by Voldemort that year. When Voldemort gained power he decided that pink was his new favourite colour and that everything was to be pink. Everyone eventually died from pink overload and there were no more wizards. That is how earl grey tea came to be.

The End.


End file.
